The sleep re-training isn’t going as expected. The boy simply doesn’t want us to leave the room until he is asleep.
Because he has started coughing yesterday, I decided to cut him some slack and not have him cry it out tonight. While I was in the room and he was lying awake in his cot, we had a little chat.
Isaac: (After he finished his milk) Yay…
Mama: Yay, finished? Wipe your mouth. Very good boy, can I give the balanced (milk) to baby sheep? (I’m referring to the baby sheep we bottle-fed at the farm in Perth)
Isaac: Ok, baby sheep drink milk.
Mama: (Opened the door and tried to leave)
Isaac: Waaaaah!
Mama: Eh eh eh? Why you cry, you said I can go feed baby sheep milk?
Isaac: No need. Dowan baby sheep drink milk.
Mama: Okok, let Mama go wash the bottle ok?
Isaac: Ok.
I leave the room and he cries angrily.
Mama: Okok, don’t cry. Mama bao bao (hug hug).
Isaac: Mama bao bao, Mama lie down mattress. (Mattress on the floor where we usually lay until he sleeps)
Mama: Ok, Isaac go back to bed, Mama lie down mattress ok?
Isaac: No need, Isaac dowan bed, lie down mattress.
Mama: Ok (lies down on the mattress hugging Isaac)
Isaac: Mama close eyes.
Mama:(try again) The baby sheep so poor thing, they hungry no milk to drink. They cry how?
Isaac: Baby sheep poor thing.
Mama: Yah, so can I go feed baby sheep?
Isaac: No need. Mama bao bao. Baby sheep cry poor thing.
After a while, we were still discussing how poor thing baby sheep were. I decided to try something else.
Mama: Ok, Isaac go back bed, Mama lie down mattress ok?
Isaac: Ok.
Mama: (put him back and laid back down, feeling defeated. After 2mins of silence, I asked…) Isaac, can Mama go pong pong (bathe)?
Isaac: No need.
Mama: But Mama smelly, clothes dirty
Isaac: No need no need (threatens to cry).
Mama: Okok.
So I was going to keep quiet until he sleeps, stay there no matter how long it would take – it sometimes can take up to an hour…… Then I coughed.
Isaac: Mama cover mouth.
Mama: Ok. (I cough again)
Isaac: Cover mouth?
Mama: Yes, Isaac can I go take medicine? You’ve already had your medicine, Mama throat pain pain, can I go take medicine too?
Isaac: No need.
Mama: (Pretends to cry) My throat pain pain. Can I go take medicine please?
Isaac:(Doesn’t answer me)
Mama: Baby? (Cough cough)
Isaac: Mama change clothes pong pong.
Mama: Can? (I almost can’t believe it!)
Isaac: Ok, give baby sheep drink milk
Mama: Ok! (Picks up and leave) Thank you (and I really meant it ) Love you baby, night night.
Isaac: Take medicine ar.
Mama: Ok, you sleep ar… (shuts the door and heaves a sigh of relief)
Sigh, the joy and pains from a talking baby. I came out feeling like a released hostage! I can’t say I am not concerned about the nonsense I say sometimes, worried I might be bringing up a compulsive liar
But to my defense, I did go shower after that.
30mins later, I saw in the baby monitor he was fast asleep, didn’t cry. Phew!
I used to bring Bree everywhere with me. Helped that I worked in a petshop, so she came to work with me too… in fact, I even considered Bree and Chocolate the bosses of the shop
But since now I have to drag a little boy everywhere with me, I can no longer take Bree out as often.
The several occasions that we’ve been to places where dogs are allowed, but we didn’t bring Bree along, I would feel guilty. The very same guilty feeling I have towards Isaac with the impending arrival of baby #2 . The same guilty feeling I had toward Bree when I was pregnant with Isaac. Bree had always been considered a daughter to me. Even till now, when I’m with people whom I think can understand how important Bree is to me, I call her my #1 and Isaac her “didi”.
Finally yesterday when we were heading out to a concert at Botanic Gardens, realising how sad she looked as I packed our things made me decide that we could bring her no matter how troublesome it was, no matter how bad she walks – she gets excited and pulls badly during walks, acts like a crazy dog
So it’s my fault for not training her properly. But other than that, she’s really a very well behaved dog. As compared with the other dogs that we see outside, she doesn’t bother anyone other than the person holding the leash. Now to think of it, I think the reason why I always look so messy, haggard, bag always slipping from my shoulder, hair always messy or tied up in a ponytail is because of how I am “trained” by Bree and Isaac.
It wasn’t so hard afterall, as long as I had Des with me. He handled Isaac mostly – because Isaac wants to be carried and would sometimes struggle, while I held on to Bree and the other stuff. When we go out nowadays, I rather carry the bags and groceries and stuff instead of Isaac cause they don’t fight with me.
It was pretty crowded yesterday at the symphony stage. Picnic mats were practically side by side. Bree was well controlled – I do control her pretty well when I need to. But when this lady came along with her toddler – perhaps the same age as Isaac – and a helper, it made me quite mad and nearly wanted to let Bree have some more running space.
Initially when she first arrived, her helper, without asking first, put her very big bag on our mat so that she could set up their mat. The lady looked rude. She didn’t seem like she was here for a good time at all, face so black I wonder why she even considered having a picnic.
Then when she sat down, she had her arms around her daughter all the time, I believe the girl didn’t touch grass at all that evening – again, why would this kind of people come to an open air picnic in a garden?
Suddenly she noticed I had a dog tied to me. Well, I don’t think people know I tied Bree to my leg, but there wouldn’t be any chance Bree would be able to run from me even if she tried – and she never did. I would never put ourselves at the loosing end of an argument like that knowing how little rights animals have here and how uncompassionate people here can be. As if the bag on our mat was not obnoxious enough, she made her helper pull their mat further away, had on her face some dirty look as if we had some kind of disease. I think that was really really rude! But fine with me if they wanted to be like that. In my heart, I was thinking these kind of people should just stay at home and never come out of their sterile bubble.
I felt she looked familiar, but I was too pissed to bother. I think it’s one of the Aug08 forum mums whom I’ve met once at some Christmas party. There is no need to behave this way even if there were whatever reasons you were so afraid of dogs. We have just as much right to be there. For goodness sakes, be there for the right reasons. People are so intolerant these days. Me included from the looks of this post.
Just last week at the same place, I saw this lady giving her picnic neighbours a very awful look when the children blew some bubbles in their direction – not that they did it on purpose, the breeze was blowing in that direction. They so dramatically covered their food with their hands from the bubbles as if the bubbles contained some biological warfare viruses. And to think they too had children amongst them, did their children not play with bubbles in an open field filled with people before?
Argh! Singapore is way too crowded! Know what I mean? Personal spaces to small, tempers too short.
We took things slow last weekend as Des was not feeling well. He had spent 20hrs at work the day before, under the hot sun and sudden showers doing some trial thing at the airport runway. Came home past 4am and was running a temperature.
Me, I’m feeling lethargic again and I don’t have any excuse for it other than because of the weight I’m carrying around.
Since coming back from Perth, Isaac has been kinda different. He no longer wants to sleep on his own, so it would appear we have to go through another round of sleep training.
Worst of all since he got back to school is that he’s been hitting people. I haven’t seen him hitting other people yet, just us as home. Ange told me she saw him getting hit by his classmate in school. I spoke to his teachers just now but I’m not satisfied with their reply. They were rather nonchalant when I told them that I know some children are hitting Isaac and Isaac has since picked it up and hitting people at home, I asked if Isaac was hitting anyone in class and what they did when such things happened. The teacher told me yes sometimes they catch kids hitting each other and they just tell the children to stop. Even went on to tell me very common especially among boys. That the phase will pass but I should stop him each time he does it. *Duh*
Then they changed the subject and told me Isaac runs around a lot and they have to stop him. I told them I know, but I can’t seem to stop him from doing that when he does it in Kindermusik class. They do not give me any suggestions – perhaps there just aren’t any. I feel disappointed every time I talk to the teachers. They don’t seem to know much about early childhood behaviour (other than everything is common – maybe it is and there are no full proof solutions whatsoever) or how to communicate with parents at all. I always find better answers surfing the net. Will I ever learn to just skip that step and depend on myself to find answers I need?
I’m definitely not going to do nothing about the hitting, but I just gotta figure this out on my own, afterall every kid is different, I know how to use common sense. Children have to go to school and there’s only so much parents can control or protect their children from. We will get through this.
We have this classmate in Kindermusik that likes to hit people. But at least I’m there to keep Isaac away from him as much as possible. It feels shitty that Isaac could be being bullied in his daily playgroup and I can’t be there to stop it.
About sleep training… well, this 2nd time round is not any easier. Perhaps I’m also going through a lot of changes myself and by that I mean mood swings. I feel guilty about having to share attention for Isaac with another baby soon. I feel guilty about not being able to have more fun with Isaac now being tired so much without having to depend on someone else to carry Isaac. No matter it’s my dad or Ange, I still prefer very much to take Isaac out on my own. It’s not so much of having Isaac all to myself, I just prefer not to have to drag someone else around with me, having to bother about what they want to do, what they would rather do than walk around aimlessly with me, or if they are bored, etc.
My emotions are all over the place again. I want to do more, go out more, but I can’t really carry Isaac that much, backache and feet ache. He whines and throw tantrums quite a bit nowadays too. I try to oblige all the time so much so going out is no longer fun for me, but rather something I do so he has things to distract him without making so much noise demanding for this and that at home. I don’t bother to even try to shop anymore as it’s virtually impossible with him. He doesn’t like entering shops except when it’s a toy shop, then instead I find myself unable to get out of it. I’m often very bored, then I start feeling guilty for feeling bored being with him.
At my last doctor’s appointment, he asked about how I feel emotionally. He’s been quite concerned about my going into depression. I told him I haven’t even begun feeling any form of bonding with #2. I said I don’t feel like I can love another child. He said I would eventually. Without saying it, he reminds me how vulnerable I am… and I am worried I might just worry till I manifest it.
Oh, I was talking about sleep training yeah? Before, he would finish his milk, we’d say goodnight and be able to leave him alone in the room and he’d fall asleep eventually. Now, he wants us to sleep with him. This started a week or so before we went to Perth when he was sick. We went for the 10 day holiday and had been sleeping with him. So coming back, we tried to go back to the old routine slowly… as in we’d try to leave after staying for short periods of time each night. But no matter how long we stay, if he’s not asleep by the time we leave, he’ll cry out very angrily. He now stays awake longer each night and keeps checking if we’re still in the room. So we’ve decided to leave immediately after milk like before because no matter how slowly we want him to adjust back, he’d make it longer and harder for everyone. He’s even figured out that if he takes longer to finish his milk, we’d stay longer. He will drink 90% of his milk, and then just hold the bottle with the rest of the remaining in his mouth until we run out of patience. And patience, I really wish I had much much more of patience.
While yesterday went by rather peacefully (we had a great day and we even managed to bring Bree to the park with us), without me becoming upset, I lost it just before Isaac went to sleep. I lost my temper when he held onto his milk bottle even though he stopped drinking and refused to sleep. Maybe I over-stretched myself with trying too hard to stay happy and cheery all day when I was actually feeling rather bored from staying home so much over the weekend. I have become unreasonable to expect Des to take us out to have fun on weekends when he’s around because he’s been working such long hours and we’ve been stuck home so much on weekdays.
I feel like a monster when I loose my temper and I hate it. I hate myself for having such a temper and I will go into this cycle of hating my mother and blaming everything in my childhood and then I worry about getting depressed again. And I worry I might damage Isaac’s childhood as well. It’s crazy I tell you and drives me to tears each time. I feel like the lousiest person on earth.
I think I know something about being depressed, and the way to stay clear of it. Keep myself distracted, go out, talk it out, etc etc. Well, it’s not like I have many people around me I can talk to, but sometimes I can’t help it I talk to friends… but I usually won’t until I can’t hold it in anymore. I don’t like to talk to friends about problems or bad stuff all of the time. I know that the bad thing about me is I just very seldom talk to people, so sharing happy stuff is something I don’t do very often either. I think unloading on them is unfair, not fun (for them) and eventually, everyone will just know me as someone who only knows how to complain or someone’s who’s always negative or depressed. Over time, I just don’t have many close friends anymore, whether it’s friends to share happy or sad stuff with.
Sometimes I think this blog is filled with too many unhappy stuff too. I read many other people’s blogs and theirs are always only of good things. It makes sense to want to remember only the good, and try to let go of the bad. Who doesn’t want to be bubbly, happy and have fun all the time? Especially considering if the blog might someday be read by our children about how mummy felt but couldn’t let baby know back when they were too young to understand. But then again, I can’t help that I’m like this, and Isaac will know what kind of a person I am whether he reads this blog or not.
So now I’m thinking, Isaac, even though I may not always be happy, you have to know the problem is with me. Not you. You’ve made me so happy sometimes I didn’t know I could even be this happy. But life is like that, there will always be ups and downs, and I probably won’t stay upset forever.
He came to the kitchen and asked us for a “stick”. It didn’t take us long before we figured out why he wanted it for…
Earlier on, we had spent the evening (7 Aug, Sat) at the Singapore Botanic Gardens.
If only the grass was as nice as what they had at King’s Park. Think it’s a different species of grass, perhaps not so practical in Singapore I don’t know. But we do have carpet grass here don’t we? Can’t they plant more of that especially in front of the stage area where many people picnic? I think carpet grass would be so much more comfortable to sit on.
It was really a coincidence that we timed to go away on Isaac’s birthday. The trip is very much for me instead of Isaac as I feel I may not be able to go away for a long long time after #2 arrives. I haven’t felt better than that period since my 2nd trimester started. Sometimes I didn’t even feel pregnant.
I am very glad we went because now that I’m in my 25th week, I’m already starting to feel more heavy and tired.
Recently I’ve been terrified of forgetting things, I’ve become so forgetful since becoming a mother. And I get jitters from time to time when I suddenly remember I need to make a note about something, take a picture if possible about something I don’t want to forget, lest it’ll be totally erased from my memory. It almost feels like how I would handle Alzheimer’s should I have it, or if today was going to be my last day alive.
But as it is, it’s already been a week after we returned and I’ve put off recording about the trip for far too long.
I’m only going to summarise here, but will post captions with photos at the bottom of this post. Obviously pictures tell better stories than I can.
Day 1 – Perth Airport – Margaret River
Arrived at Perth Airport, collected our car and headed towards Margaret River. The boy slept most of the way. So did I. Des and I didn’t sleep much on the plane. Isaac slept for only about 2hrs on the overnight flight. It was a very challenging day because his schedule was all over the place and he didn’t have proper meals nor naps. It was also Isaac’s 2nd birthday.
We got a little lost looking for our farmstay, but we ended up at Yallingup Reef where the view was simply breathtaking.
It was a really nice farm. The weather was very cold. We only had time to wash up, then we had to go find a supermarket to buy supplies. Everything closes at 5pm.
While it was great being so close to nature, there was nothing to do after sunset. The tv reception was bad, so we hardly watched any tv. Our phones had no reception, there was no internet access. It rained a lot, was freezing outside. We slept very early. Somehow it felt good being completely cut off from the world we always knew.
Day 2 – Margaret River
We went to the petting zoo. We get free pony rides and access to the zoo staying at the farm. Isaac didn’t want to sit on the pony. Instead of saying he was scared of it, he said “No need! No need!”
He had a blast at the zoo!
We cooked lunch and headed to Augusta. Wonderful scenic view of the countryside. Saw where the Indian Ocean met the Southern Ocean. It rained while we were there, it was freezing but Isaac didn’t seem to mind the cold.
Day 3 – Margaret River – Busselton – Scarborough Beach
We checked out from the farm. Glad but sad. Will miss the dogs and the kangaroos especially.
Headed to Busselton Jetty on our way to Scarborough Beach. Found out that there were whale sightings at Augusta the day before – when we were there! Pity that we missed it.
Reached Scarborough Beach just before 6pm, and had a bad scare when the reception to the apartments had already called it a day! Thought we had to sleep in the car! Thank goodness someone came back and let us into our apartment.
Day 4 – Hillary’s Boat Harbour
Spent the morning shopping for groceries again. We cooked a lot this trip. Isaac doesn’t eat enough when we eat out, so we need to cook to make sure he eats proper meals.
Afternoon, we drove to Hillary’s Boat Harbour where we visited the aquarium. No whale watching trips until September. Big big disappointment.
Guess this statue will be as close I get to seeing a whale for a while.
Day 5 -Fremantle
Decided to extend the car rental for the entire trip. Thought we could catch the buses or trains but decided against it because Isaac will not be able to sleep if we’re carrying him or while we’re out and about. With the car, at least he could sleep while we drove around. What were we thinking at first?!
Spent the rest of the day around Fremantle. Visited E Shed Markets and Fremantle Market. Did more grocery shopping.
Day 6 – Swan River
This was a very relaxing day. We didn’t do much other than the cruise which took about 3hrs, then back to Scarborough beach to watch the sun set. But it was nice to just take in the atmosphere. I really wasn’t looking for a holiday that would tire me out.
Day 7 – Caversham Wildlife Park
Caversham Wildlife Park was a great place to visit. A small zoo, but you could get very close to the animals. Even though the place was littered with animal poop everywhere, the place didn’t smell. Very yucky, but that’s how it is when you come that close with wildlife! I wonder why the Singapore zoo smells so bad as compared.
Day 8 – Fremantle Prison & King’s Park
The stories they told during the prison tour were really quite interesting. We were shown around the prison grounds, the cells and how things were done in there in the past. A little eerie in the gallows, but that would be what you’d expect to see in a place where very terrible people were put to death. There are even more interesting tours into the tunnels, escape passages and night tours. But for obvious reasons, we could only do the basic tour.
We had no program for the rest of the day, so it was perfect to head towards King’s Park to do absolutely nothing. It turned out to be my favourite day that week. I loved spending all that carefree time with my 2 favourite people in the world.
Day 9 – Rottnest Island
We generally love beach resorts, being outdoors and close to nature. So it is no wonder why I was very curious about Rottnest Island, hearing about how untouched it is and how beautiful the beaches are. It is only upon arrival that I realised I didn’t really like it that untouched! It was so natural till there were hardly any shelter on the island to have a comfortable picnic.
I guess I’m no longer young and active. I don’t know how to swim, surf or snorkel. I don’t even have the energy to walk too far let alone hiking. I could cycle, but then I’m not too comfortable with cycling being pregnant and all. Maybe we should have rented bikes so Des & Isaac would have had more fun… sorry boys.
It wasn’t that fun on the island, but it didn’t ruin my mood. Perhaps the feeling of being deserted on a barren island made it an interesting experience afterall. There aren’t many places this untouched anymore I reckon. They have indeed made much effort in keeping the island in it’s natural state while educating visitors at the same time about it’s natural landscape and wildlife.
If there is anything I am to learn from the Aussies would be how much more environmentally friendly we need to be. Upon returning, I’ve actually brought reusable bags going to the supermarket Think it’s about time I made some real effort.
Day 10 – King’s Park – Perth Airport
We check out today and head back home. I wish our lifestyle back home was half as relaxed as the people who live in Perth. Des is always stressed with work, working overtime and cannot even spend a day not thinking about his project while we were on holiday. And he has to head back to the office the very next day. Sigh.
But reality is reality.
We stopped at another part of King’s Park for lunch on the way to the airport. It has been as good a holiday as any holiday can be.
So there, 10 days in Perth, 9 wonderful sunsets. I hope I don’t forget too much of it.
Seems like birthday parties at playgroups/childcares are what parents do nowadays. I had been rather busy lately that I hadn’t thought much about it until yesterday, especially since we would be skipping school on his actual birthday next Monday.
Funny enough, it’s the exact same thought that made me decide instantly to order 18 mini cakes for his classmates yesterday to be distributed today – the thought that it’s going to be a quiet event celebrating his actual birthday with only the 3 of us seem like depriving him of all the attention and fuss a kid should have during his birthday.
So, I rushed to collect the cakes this morning and dashed into his classroom just in time for snack time.
I’m not really a people person (no matter the age), parties are unfamiliar territory to me. Sometimes I even go out of my way to avoid them. But now that I’ve become a parent, I guess there are just some changes I have to get used to. I shall try to do more in the years that follow.
Isaac really enjoyed the attention in class, even though 2 older kids blew out the candles for him He did get a chance to blow out another candle again at night – grandpa helped him out this time
Thank goodness he had his fair share of cake for the day because after blowing out the candle, we had a really tough time cutting the cake. We had to tuck him in before any of the cake was cut.
It’s the first time we ordered an ice cream cake and I had absolutely no idea how impossible it was to cut. Even after letting the cake sit for more than half an hour, the centre of the cake was still frozen hard.
3 adults took about an hour to hack up the cake using 2 large knives, a spoon and an ice cream scoop. We had to, as the outer layer had started to melt and if we froze it back, it would be even more impossible to cut up and eat later.
Most of the cake is now in tupperware containers in the freezer. It no longer resembles a cake, and you can’t see any of the cartoon anymore.
It was a little embarrassing as I had invited our neighbour over, but they didn’t stay long enough for us to hack up the cake. This is really a lesson I would never have learnt if I never became a parent – lucky it wasn’t a big party or anything elaborately planned – one thing for sure is that this will last time I order an ice cream cake. Fortunately it tastes good, excusing the presentation that is.
I’m glad Isaac isn’t really a greedy boy, he still had a lot of fun today having had so much attention and all that singing and candle blowing. He should be able to blow out his own candle next year.
Des bought Isaac a train set a month or so ago. I wrapped it up as a birthday present and hid it in the store room. Then I totally forgot about it. 2 weeks ago, while shopping at IKEA, I bought him another train set… then I kept it in the store room again. Last week, I met a friend to exchange presents for our babies as I wouldn’t be able to make it for her birthday party and she told me it was a train set. Then I remembered we already bought him one – the 1st one
Now he has 3 train sets for his 2nd birthday!
Last weekend, Des had to work, so I decided I don’t want to bring Isaac out myself, have to find something to keep him occupied at home… so the IKEA train set came to mind.
It kept him busy alright… for 2 days he was absolutely obsessed with it. Had to literally peel him off the ground. Kept going “frain set frain set frain set”. I had to hide it in the mornings and only took it out in the afternoons or he wouldn’t go to school. It’s day 3 today and the novelty is starting to wear out Do you think hiding it for a few days would keep him interested?
They say a child gets clingy when mum becomes pregnant with another? So far it’s been rather true for us. These days, Isaac only wants Mama to feed, to bathe, to carry, to “go kai kai” with. He sticks to me at home and everywhere else.
So endearing, but so tiring at the same time. He fusses so much for me, and even when it becomes frustrating, it’s very difficult to get angry with him. Very tired from dealing with such complex emotions.
I think Des is feeling a tinge of jealousy Isaac usually loves Papa to do stuff for/with him, but recently prefers Mama. Des really helps me out despite having the boy screaming in his ears for me. And when Des helped dress Isaac today, he dressed Isaac up in almost a similar outfit as what he had on himself! He swore it was not intentional
I wonder if Des is wearing kiddy clothes, or does Isaac wear very adult clothes The thing is, the 2 of them really have a lot of similar clothing. Maybe it’s my fault, I do most of their shopping…
19 August 2010, Thursday, 10:36pm) Love you baby, night night.
I used to bring Bree everywhere with me. Helped that I worked in a petshop, so she came to work with me too… in fact, I even considered Bree and Chocolate the bosses of the shop 
If only the grass was as nice as what they had at King’s Park. Think it’s a different species of grass, perhaps not so practical in Singapore I don’t know. But we do have carpet grass here don’t we? Can’t they plant more of that especially in front of the stage area where many people picnic? I think carpet grass would be so much more comfortable to sit on.
Seems like birthday parties at playgroups/childcares are what parents do nowadays. I had been rather busy lately that I hadn’t thought much about it until yesterday, especially since we would be skipping school on his actual birthday next Monday.
Isaac really enjoyed the attention in class, even though 2 older kids blew out the candles for him 
They say a child gets clingy when mum becomes pregnant with another? So far it’s been rather true for us. These days, Isaac only wants Mama to feed, to bathe, to carry, to “go kai kai” with. He sticks to me at home and everywhere else.
Isaac usually loves Papa to do stuff for/with him, but recently prefers Mama. Des really helps me out despite having the boy screaming in his ears for me. And when Des helped dress Isaac today, he dressed Isaac up in almost a similar outfit as what he had on himself! He swore it was not intentional 
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